What gives? First Columbus, Mississippi had to go and steal Columbus, Ohio’s name. They could have easily chosen De Soto, Mississippi or Pizzaro, Mississippi or Coronado, Mississippi. Even Leif Eriksson, Mississippi has a nice ring to it. But no. They bogart our explorer, they bogart our name.
So you’d think those thieving scalawags would be satisfied, right? Now I’ve come to find out that the daily newspaper in Columbus, Mississippi (pop. a scant 23,798) is called The Columbus Dispatch. Dispatch! As is The Columbus (Ohio, pop. a whopping 787,033) Dispatch, the very newspaper that my buddy Colin and I used to deliver when we were kids, looking to make extra cash to buy porno mags and chewing tobacco. Look, Columbus, Mississippi: I got, ahem, news for you. You got scooped, baby. Get your own name. I’ll even suggest one for you: The Columbus Snail-Caboose. Then again, as long as you keep giving rave reviews to Hitless Wonder, feel free to call your paper whatever you’d like.
TRIVIAL POST-SCRIPT: The daily newspaper in Columbus, GA (pop. 189,885) is the Ledger-Enquirer. In Columbus, IN (pop. 44,061) it’s The Republic. Columbus, WI (pop. 4,991) has got The Journal.